When I make it old, it becomes someone else. ‘I will be dead’ comes with a picture of a dead body on a bed. ‘I will be 50’ is simply a paraphrase of another senseless statement I make to myself at night: ‘I will be dead one day.’ ‘One day I won’t be.’ I have a great determination to feel the sentence as a reality. ‘I will be 13’ has a dreamlike maturity about it. ‘Fifty’ and ‘1997’ don’t mean a thing to me, aside from being an answer to an arithmetic question I set myself. I have just calculated that I will be 50 years old in 1997. I have a greeny-gold quilted eiderdown covering me.
The detail in the room is perfectly clear.
"I’m nine years old, in bed, in the dark. Essay Excerpt in the Historical Present Tense
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